The Not Thread-Worthy Thread

As some have said above -
- quit the job, absolutely. Get out of there. You've got savings and another job, to stay afloat in the meantime.
- take some time off, go on a holiday. Go for a couple of weeks, and if possible, longer. If you're having trouble deciding where, just pick somewhere, and roll with it. Ignore wondering about whether you will like it or not, or whether you've made the right choice. Just doing it, is the right choice. You won't regret seeing a new part of the world, wherever it is.
- speaking to a professional is probably a good idea too.

Dip wrote:I would also suggest talking to someone professionally about your situation. No shame in seeing a psychologist, and they might well help you more than a bunch of guys on an internet forum, since that is what they are professionally trained to do. I think if you get a referral for a mental health plan from your GP they are at least very heavily subsidised.

I am going for my first session with one tomorrow. I'm not feeling depressed or anything, but figured if I recommend people see an accountant before they're broke, and since I have a remedial massage once a month even though I'm not injured, why not give my brain the same care. For me, I just want some help thinking with a clear mind and improving some things I'm not good at mentally.

Make an appointment, walk in proud like you're getting a haircut, and see whether you like it or not. If you don't, all you've lost is an hour of your time and some money telling stuff to someone you don't want others to know, to someone who you know wont tell other people.

Yeah I'm not sure what it costs in NZ but in Aus I think you get 10 sessions subsidised per year by medicare, not sure if private health then covers the remainder though, anyone?

Funny how there is this stigma that if someone is seeing a psychologist, the first thing people think is "what's wrong?" or "Omg are they depressed or suicidal?"

It would be the equivalent of someone going to a GP for a skin check/mole map and thinking "Omg are they dying?".

The way I see it, a psychologist will help you work through whatever you want to improve about yourself. We all have things we could improve about ourselves and some of us want a professional to help us do that.

On the holiday front, I'm thinking about where I want to go next.

Initial thoughts - want to get back to Europe. Potentially back to France, maybe Germany, would like to see Croatia, Greece, Italy. Want to find some places with some nice sandy beaches/good snorkelling. Europe would be a 4+ week trip around this time next year if I went.

Tempted to go back to Vietnam/Thailand. Never been to Bali. Didn't like Patong so kinda want to avoid the main areas like that if I went there. Loved Hoi An in Vietnam. Would I like Bali? Good snorkelling around there?

Hawaii has popped into the ol' skull too but I imagine its not too cheap? Plus maybe not as good for a single guy looking to hang out with randoms?

Any other thoughts, anyone?

filthridden wrote:Tempted to go back to Vietnam/Thailand. Never been to Bali. Didn't like Patong so kinda want to avoid the main areas like that if I went there. Loved Hoi An in Vietnam. Would I like Bali? Good snorkelling around there?

In 2014 I stayed in Da Nang for four nights, which was about 45 mins on a scooter up the highway from Hoi An.

Awesome place. Really chilled out vibe, wasn't as "touristy" as Saigon, and even Hoi An. All of the locals were incredibly friendly, just a really relaxing place to be. Don't know if it has changed much since.

We hired scooters for the entirety of four days we were there, was ideal for getting around. We went on a massive cruise one day (up around the mountains), my scooter broke down half way up one of them.. no phone reception, nothing. Free wheeled back down as far as I could, some locals came out of their house where i'd run out of momentum and helped me get it another 1km or so to the local bush mechanic - ie just someones house. They took off on their own scooters and returned 20 mins later with the bits needed to fix it. All up, was back on the road within about an hour.

They brought out beers and watermelon/etc for us while we waited, super nice people. None of them spoke any english at all, but there were plenty of smiles and laughs while we hung around. I gave them double the amount of Dong they asked for in payment, they were super grateful. Probably not as grateful as I was.

my tv broke wrote:

In 2014 I stayed in Da Nang for four nights, which was about 45 mins on a scooter up the highway from Hoi An.

Awesome place. Really chilled out vibe, wasn't as "touristy" as Saigon, and even Hoi An. All of the locals were incredibly friendly, just a really relaxing place to be. Don't know if it has changed much since.

We hired scooters for the entirety of four days we were there, was ideal for getting around. We went on a massive cruise one day (up around the mountains), my scooter broke down half way up one of them.. no phone reception, nothing. Free wheeled back down as far as I could, some locals came out of their house where i'd run out of momentum and helped me get it another 1km or so to the local bush mechanic - ie just someones house. They took off on their own scooters and returned 20 mins later with the bits needed to fix it. All up, was back on the road within about an hour.

They brought out beers and watermelon/etc for us while we waited, super nice people. None of them spoke any english at all, but there were plenty of smiles and laughs while we hung around. I gave them double the amount of Dong they asked for in payment, they were super grateful. Probably not as grateful as I was.

yeah Da Nang was great. Loved it. More of a city than Hoi An of course, had some great restaurants and we ice-skated in one of the malls there which was fun.

We were the only white people in our hotel, which was hilarious and also annoying because people would stick cameras in our faces and take photos like we were inanimate objects.

Pain wrote:@Finch

Mate sounds look you need to make a change.  New job would be a good start.  Quality people in hospitality don't usually find it hard to pick something up.  Though if you don't have commitments it might be a good opportunity to try something new.  

Also, I reckon it might be worthwhile having a chat with a professional about your feelings.  I've done this a number of times over the past few years, and so glad I have.  Luckily my work has an Employee Assistance Program which I could use for free.  But there's others out there. It was great to just have a chat to someone and then get some practical, impartial tips to help me go forward.

Some sound advice here and from all the other lads @Finch, particularly when it comes to talking to a professional about how you are feeling - this is crucial I feel.

Something else I'd add, whilst bearing in mind my previous advice was to quit your job......and without actually seeing your workplace for myself, I think it would be well and truly worthwhile requesting a formal meeting/discussion with your new employers.

I get that it would be frustrating to have some couple blow in and try and make changes to something you have been doing for quite a long time but it pays to spare a thought for what they might be dealing with.
Potentially this could have been their lifelong hopes and dreams and they may well be struggling with how to make it all work.

Personally, I think in nearly every job I've had, a genuine discussion and input from a veteran 9-year employee has been very well received and completely appreciated......
But worse case scenario, if it does go pear-shaped then it might just be the final nail in the coffin and the motivation you need to make a change.

Best of luck with it all mate.

Thanks for the replies everyone I read them all. Right now just sitting around, listening to music, not really doing much... Pretty tired/feeling sorry for myself for no good reason.

I like posting here because it's somewhat anonymous, I guess going to see someone is a bit more personal, even though we don't know each other either.

Finch wrote:Thanks for the replies everyone I read them all. Right now just sitting around, listening to music, not really doing much... Pretty tired/feeling sorry for myself for no good reason.

I like posting here because it's somewhat anonymous, I guess going to see someone is a bit more personal, even though we don't know each other either.

Yeah I definitely understand messaging people who are detached from the situation.

In terms of a psychologist, I never saw one til I was 35. I was honestly scared of going to see one. Something in my mind clicked and I wanted to do it for positive reasons.

It was honestly very, very daunting prospect for me. Laid out, it scared the living shit out of me. However its been one of those things that I never had any reason to be scared but that never stopped me. I can say that I should'e starting doing it when I was a teenager or in my twenties or I wish I had starting seeing one years ago but I probably wasn't ready and I'm a "no regrets, if I had made a decision I might've been hit by a bus and killed so I'm happy with all the decisions that have led me here" kinda guy.

I still remember walking out after my first session and feeling like an enormous weight had been lifted. Not every session is like that but its all very positive!

All up to you at the end of the day, mate.

@Finch
Seems like you enjoy your hospo work. Seems like changed circumstances make your enjoyment not there. Quit then.
This will change the routine of your life. Shit you don't seem to want to do this though?
Finding a new job seems like the start for me.

@finch

You've got to make changes but you need to work out whether you'd rather feel sorry about your situation or you'd rather fix your situation. That's not being mean, some people will notice there's an issue and wallow in the sadness of it all and talk about it to get it off their chest but you've got to do something about it otherwise you're going to repeat all the shit things you hate. There's no one person who's going to change your environment more than yourself. It's time for action, where you were when we started talking here is relatively the same spot where we are now. There's amazing nuggets of advice from a heap of people here who have been through plenty and they've come out of it better than what they started. nearly everyone who's been to see someone professionally was they wish they did it sooner.

What I'd like to see from you is a plan of action, you've got all the advice from guys who've been through it. What are your steps now to act upon it? What are you going to do daily to make your life better? What are you going to do to weekly/monthly to make it better? What's your goal now?

Having a really down day today.
Bambi has left for America, saw her off last night. Finding it really hard to be happy today - there's a lot of positives to come out of this though, I can focus on myself and getting where I need to be with life. Been seeing a personal trainer for the last month and looking at getting back into the gym full time and regaining the fitness and building muscle. Plus I'll get to go visit in America and check out the NFL and NBA in October.



While that's all well and good I'm still going to miss being with someone that's developed into an extremely important person in my life. It's really bad for both of us but she's got something to look forward to going to something different in America. I'm just not dealing with it as well as I thought I would. I'm not a crier at all and I've had tears in my eyes for 48 hours. Basically I just wanted to type this all out that I'm really struggling so I can get it off my chest and work towards feeling better.

You'll come good mate, just takes a bit of time to get used to the idea.

Honeysett wrote:Having a really down day today.
Bambi has left for America, saw her off last night. Finding it really hard to be happy today - there's a lot of positives to come out of this though, I can focus on myself and getting where I need to be with life. Been seeing a personal trainer for the last month and looking at getting back into the gym full time and regaining the fitness and building muscle. Plus I'll get to go visit in America and check out the NFL and NBA in October.



While that's all well and good I'm still going to miss being with someone that's developed into an extremely important person in my life. It's really bad for both of us but she's got something to look forward to going to something different in America. I'm just not dealing with it as well as I thought I would. I'm not a crier at all and I've had tears in my eyes for 48 hours. Basically I just wanted to type this all out that I'm really struggling so I can get it off my chest and work towards feeling better.

Talk to your mates around you too, mate.

I had a bit of a down, lonely weekend as well and I realised I wasn't practicing my mindfulness and doing my yoga as much as I should've been. Let that slip and the mental happiness went with it. Bounced back a bit today which is good and just gotta remember to keep on top of what I need.

Go get yourself a massage and give your doggo lots of hugs!
Also, remember it's hard and you're sad BECAUSE of how much happiness you've had. This is the adjustment period and it's tough!

Work towards feeling better, its hard when it hits you like this but you're capable and you sound like you've got a plan worked out. Good stuff.

I've had a whole bunch of mates reach out to me actually. It's felt amazing to know I've surrounded myself with such an amazing bunch of people that know how much I'd be affected by this.
It'll all be sweet, I don't have any doubts or anything it's more just the not seeing your favourite person for a while that sucks.




The way I'm looking at this, if it's one year out of the rest of my life then it's not really a long time then is it.

Can you remind us why Bambi is know in Trumpland?

Honeysett wrote:I've had a whole bunch of mates reach out to me actually. It's felt amazing to know I've surrounded myself with such an amazing bunch of people that know how much I'd be affected by this.
It'll all be sweet, I don't have any doubts or anything it's more just the not seeing your favourite person for a while that sucks.




The way I'm looking at this, if it's one year out of the rest of my life then it's not really a long time then is it.

Thought your missis was going away fella, not your dog 

Honeysett wrote:I've had a whole bunch of mates reach out to me actually. It's felt amazing to know I've surrounded myself with such an amazing bunch of people that know how much I'd be affected by this.
It'll all be sweet, I don't have any doubts or anything it's more just the not seeing your favourite person for a while that sucks.




The way I'm looking at this, if it's one year out of the rest of my life then it's not really a long time then is it.

Its an adjustment period. You haven't broken up but there's suddenly a lot of time in your life where that person would've filled a bit of a gap with intimacy, conversation, even their mere presence makes a difference.

You just have to figure out what you fill the gap with and make sure its positive stuff.

Have you gone and got yourself a massage yet?

On the Neymar injury scale, from 1-8 how injured are you ?

filthridden wrote:

Its an adjustment period. You haven't broken up but there's suddenly a lot of time in your life where that person would've filled a bit of a gap with intimacy, conversation, even their mere presence makes a difference.

You just have to figure out what you fill the gap with and make sure its positive stuff.

Have you gone and got yourself a massage yet?

Yeah that's it mate, I think being made redundant has been great as well. Gives me time to get life sorted how I want now. Had a few roles come my way that I can have a look at and see where I want to go. No massage yet, my favourite old Asian lady is on holiday so no go.

@welshy key word there was person

@code_delta did you mean why is she over there? She's doing Au Pair work as a chance to live in the States for a year while being paid and gets to study at a university over there as well which helps her course. She's currently studying, political science, law and security and counter terrorism.