Round 2 Match Thread

V

Phil Gould must have punched a black cat.. with a ladder.. on Friday 13th. The Panthers have had no luck with injuries, Moylan is still out now Seggy has a busted wing. Peachey takes the hooker role who could struggle, he’s quick off the mark but his passes left to right are about as accurate as Raffa’s maths. The Dogs took Manly to school last week and showed that Des has got to be one of the best player managers around. They’ve lost Lichaa and will put in untested Garvey (a handful of games for the dragons don’t count) it won’t matter because their forwards play as halves, their halves as backs and their backs as quicker backs. Josh Reynolds to sweep the leg and Mbye to crane kick the shit out of the Chocolate Soldiers.

FTS - Rona
Dogs by 16.

V

There will be no $1000 Honeysett specials this time around, the Warriors looked as useless as James Roberts PR training. With massive wraps on them this year you could have been forgiven for thinking the Warriors would break their slow start hoodoo but they did everything they could to throw the game away. McFadden might want to update his CV because they’ll be 0-2 and the hammer will be about to fall. The Broncos on the other hand put in a great first half before the second game turned into a snoozefest, but hey Ben Hunt caught a kick off that’s positive news. Keep James Roberts off the speed and Wayne away from The Beat and Broncos put up the W.

FTS - Oates
Broncos by 14

V

With no established halves to speak over this battle will mainly be about the forwards. The Raiders were exciting to watch in their first up win against the Panthers but without Heil Sezar and Stone Cold Blake Austin for the next month as least they may struggle. The Cocks were as flacid as little Honeysett after a 3am coke bender and that doesn’t look much like changing this week. You would think they score more points but it won’t be enough to beat the Raiders at home. The Green Machine will kick off the year with back to back home wins to give the town something else to smile about, let’s hope no more players go down or they may borrow some of the Brumbies to cover the injuries.

FTS - Lee
Raiders by 4

V

Newcastle played in wetter conditions than a retards chin but don’t let the conditions fool you, the error riddled shit football is Newcastle 101. They struggled to break the thin line defence of the Titans so going against the all conquering Rabbits is going to be as attractive as a coat-hanger abortion. The Rabbits threw away the Roosters like they were leftovers and as long as GI shows up at least ten percent the Rabbits will post a cricket score on the Knights. This one will be bowling shoe ugly. Rabbits lose A Rey to lockjaw but with the Burgess brothers around you probably can’t blame the poor bastard.

FTS - Surgess
Rabbits by 24


V

Fora’n Twenty makes his make hyped debut for the Eels at home to the 2015 premiers, a lot will be riding on the efforts of the number 7 mainly the hopes of those that picked Gordon in fantasy that he’ll kick them into gear. The Eels forwards were massive and never took a backward step last week, stark contrast to the right hand edge that wouldn’t know their left from their right. With Brad “Can I buy a vowel” Takairangi in the centres full time the Eels will continue to struggle until he learns how to defend. Cowboys beat the Sharks but it took the efforts of a physics defying Ethan Lowe to do so, apparently rolling on the ground is continued momentum. Look for Thurston to be awarded the Golden Boot, 12 Dally M points and a Nobel Peace Prize before the game even starts.

FTS - Semi
Cowboys by 8


V

The local derby two rounds in! Captain tampon is out again and will miss a month of football. I really thought Gallen would play every game this year - said no one ever. Gal attacked the Sharks fans midweek for criticising him over his commitment to the club, in the same breath called ET “a bloke who played on the wing and then the centres his whole career” not the smartest way to get the fans back on your side but then again Gal isn’t known for his smarts.. or looks.. or personality. Luckily he isn’t a ball hog. Dragons could feel hard done by down in Melbourne, we nearly went a whole round without any referee dramas then we had the shit storm that was served up to us on Monday night. Rubbish stuff from the men in pink. Benji looked involved, Widdop looked dangerous, Rein looked homeless and JDB had his cunt antenna in full swing. Mixed bag those Dragons.

FTS - Florence
Sharks by 4


V

The Storm were kissed on the dick by the referees on Monday night but the favour was returned by Captain suck ass later on in the sheds. Never have I seen a man get away with being a fake bastard more than Cam Smith, but I digress. Slater had some good runs and looked dangerous. Cronk was solid without being spectacular and the Storm limped over the line thanks mainly to the man beast Korobiete. Another one of the slew of Tigers that continue to perform at better clubs. The Titans lead by Bird and Paasi destroyed the Knights in what many will be calling the upset of the season..  if the many were on drugs supplied by KHunt and the season involved that game only. Titans will land back to earth with a thud and can spend the off season this year migrating from coke to heroin trying to light up a wooden spoon.

FTS - Korobiete
Storm by 20

V

Moses parted the Warriors like his namesake did the sea in one of my favourite childhood fairytales. He was brilliant, now Brooks will come back into the side and try his highlight reel link ups with Teddy that would have the channel 9 commentators finger bashing themselves while they’re 30-0 down, luckily for Brooks the Sea Eagles couldn’t score if they were mates with Charlie Sheen. Why they got rid of Toovey is beyond me, Barrett looks as lost as Maddy McCann and has chopped and changed his squad already. Many fanatics will want the ginger ninja Green to get as many minutes as possible but with Barrett taking Taupau on and off 3 times a game it might be difficult. The Manly faithful will be begging for Toovey back come round 3 after the Tigers of all teams remain undefeated.

FTS - Nofo
Tigers by 6.