Round 3 Match Thread

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The only game this week where two last week losers face off against each other, the Roosters looked as threatening as a box of kittens against the Green Machine last week and don’t look like they could knock a head off a beer at this stage of the season. Mr Glamorous himself had one game at fullback before Robbo realised Bobblehead is better off in the centres. Latrell Mitchell is being dubbed the new GI, so except him to drift in and out of games, not fly if it’s raining and play for QLD because “well umm I just umm like them". hope he keeps kicking like a one legged man so I can keep funding my weekends. The Cowboys got done by the slipperies last week with a notice going out for Michael Morgan, if found please call the police, his family and fans are worried about his whereabouts. Lachlan Coote shaving his head and looking like Leukaemia Skywalker stepped up for the Cowboys in a losing effort and will need to keep his white cell count up again if they’re going to get over the Roosters. JT better stock up on kicking tees because they could and should run in a few tries.

FTS: G Cooper
Cowboys by 12

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The Eels finally showed more than Hindmarsh’s crack, they showed grit and determination on D and their forward pack ran over the Aussie reps from the Cowboys. They wouldn’t have won last week if it wasn’t for that one quick play the ball that Tim Mannah did once, by mistake, seven years ago. If you haven’t seen it ask @Ice for the footage, he’s got it on loop. Surprised it doesn’t have a Brazzers logo attached. The Eels hopes at top 8 rely solely at the feet of their Nu Zeelin halfback, if he doesn’t play they won’t win. However Storm’n Norman is in career best form and looks to be the form 6 in the comp at the moment and really great to watch. Semi still yet to score this year, just like @Bren, but that will be fixed come Friday Night with a brace to the Semi trailer. Holland is more known for their tulips, wooden clogs and drugs rather than after the siren conversions but boy did that look easy for the young kid from Cessnock. I know, I know using drugs and Cessnock in the same sentence might have you thinking of Goey Johns but the spotlight is on Holland… oh fuck, he got dropped this week. For Stanley. Never fear though Stanley will get a hang nail and be out again for twelve weeks. The poor kid must be praying to the wrong Rugby League god because he’s had no luck whatsoever. I’m feeling an Eels victory here unless Mbye can produce the magic again.

FTS: Semi
Eels by 4

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I’m glad Brown is our coach, the name fits well because well … we’re shit. I’ve seen more cohesion from bitter divorcees. The Knights look like they’re on a Tinder date, clueless what to do next, void of any substance and end up getting pounded. In fact last time Newcastle showed any substance was on a bender in London. The Chief was on “I’m a celebrity get me outta here” and I reckon Trent Hodkinson is thinking the same thing. Feeney will continue his worst impression of a football player and the Knights will lose by as many as the Raiders choose. The Raiders escaped from a desperate Roosters side last week with the best 40/20 I’ve seen from the capsicum headed Hodgson. I swear his head needs panel beating, but as long as he keeps pulling plays like that who gives a fuck? They’ll travel for the first time this year and they couldn’t have asked for an easier assignment. They’ll miss the go forward of the former Knight BJ Leilia, who went Ike Turner on Dylan Napa, then tried to put SKD into the dirt. I’ve heard a rumour that BJ was offered a name sake from Miss Nova Peris to take out SKD. Hope it was worth it because he won’t be seen for a few weeks. If the Raiders don’t score over 40 points they’ve failed. Croker will score a brace and kick a perfect 8/8

FTS: Lee
Raiders by 30

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The Panthers will have to feel hard done by last week, they were leading the whole way until the last minute when Mbye pulled off the miracle. Trent Merrin looks like his pay cheque with the Panthers is paid with pies, bloke couldn’t break a tackle but you better believe the lardass is breaking the bathroom scales. If he just borrowed some of Sally’s high heels he could aerate the lawn and put himself to good use. I’ve heard that Dave Gyngell has been getting hate mail from lost and confused Broncos supporters who can’t find what time their game starts on 9. The Milf Hunter combination that looked so good last year may be broken in this game with reports Milford has gone down injured at training. Personal opinion is he plays and plays well against the former Broncos mentor. The Broncos will want to do a number on their old boss after playing them in fucked up positions for so many years and they should get the cash in this one. Can someone please give play by play on this one - will need to keep the Bronx Nation in the know considering Foxtel isn’t needed 25 weeks out of the year for their fans. Milf will kick another junk time field goal to seal the victory and the Broncos fan will continue to finger bash themselves thinking they’ve won a premiership in March.. instead of remembering they lost one in October.

FTS: Kahu
Broncos by 13

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This game preseason would have been an absolute snorefest but with the way the Tigers are playing this could be highly entertaining. Move over Paddington, get out of the way Yogi and Boo-Boo, get fucked Humprey B there’s a new favourite Teddy around and his name is James Tedesco. The kid is on absolute fire, for mine he’s already got the NSW Blues jersey sewed up and if he keeps going will add a Dally M to it as well. It’s got to be good for the Tigers supporters to be seeing their team play some football this year instead of watching the paint by numbers shitfest they were subjected to last year. There’s life after Farah lads, the rate you’re going you’re better off shifting Ellis and Farah off to argue over who’s dick is bigger, talk about the unstoppable force meets the unmoveable object. The Titans lead by Greg Bird haven’t been the absolute tripe many expecting them to be thus far this year, they dug in well against the Storm and showed they can play football in patches which must be amazing for their thirteen fans. With about as much character as a piece of chalk I’ll fill this gap with a story of the last time I was at the Gold Coast. Went to some bar on Surfers can’t remember the name, had a couple of rails with some cheeky Irish girls, managed to get my load away in the easier one there down some side street before getting into a faux MMA drunken play fight later in the night with whom I later found out was the Irish boyfriend, he wouldn’t have been so friendly with the drink buying if he found out I still had leftovers of his missus on my old fella. Tigers by 12.

FTS: Nofo
Tigers by 12.

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The Warriors seem to have the Storms number more often than not, unfortunately for Warriors fans the only number they’re looking at is 11, 11 straight defeats. I swear to god that Ayshford is a make a wish kid that the NRL let play every week because you’d find it hard to imagine someone could be that bad at their job and still get paid. It’s the equivalent of paying for a hooker and she reads you a book. Just do your job or fuck off. Hurrell must have got polished in his car by McFaddens wife because he still can’t get a game despite the utter shit that they’ve delivered so far. The CEO of the Warriors has come out and given his support to McFadden, proving that the spin from the T20 wasn’t a fluke and is a New Zealand art form. Onto the Storm, the cleanest dirty player of all time is out for the season and his career hangs in the balance, which with all joking aside really sucks. I can’t stand the slime ball, piss ant fuckwit but I respect his footballing ability. Hopefully he can get back on the paddock and retire on his own terms like by kicking someone in the face. Munster will step up at fullback and show what an absolute gun he is, surprising the Storm won’t lose a lot with Slater out with such a great young talent at the back. Storm to halt the bad streak against the Warriors and McFadden to be on death row which won’t be as sad as the Green Mile, fuck that movie gets me every time.

FTS: Young Too-many-p’as
Storm by 8

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When a Knights fan can laugh at another team you’re in some fucking trouble. The Dragons didn’t score a single try last week and it’s forced Mary to make some changes, Glassman goes back to FB where he belongs and Mann goes back to park footy where he’s under qualified. Their “big name” signings have been less than impressive thus far with Lafai a lafaiing joke at the moment, Packer probably had it easier in prison and Mann wondering why he ever left the shit hole weather of Melbourne. The SCG is always a great nostalgia trip for the fossils but the years of Dragons domination has receded like @SI ’s hair.  They’ll be lucky to stay within 20 points of the barnstorming Rabbits who have had the draw from heaven to start the year. They scored at will against the Knights and will likely do the same against St Merge. Surgess is back, his meat sword brother has a game under his belt and Walker Texas Ranger is stepping up big time in place of ARey. The Rabbits will kick the absolute living shit out of the Dragons.

FTS: Grey
Rabbits 51 - 6 (That’s for you Rabs old mate)

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Finally the Monday night game between the Sea Eagles and the Sharkies. Taupau and JTurbo were probably the only two guys that could hold their head high from last Monday night, they were an absolute joke. DCE is the $10 million dollar man playing like the $3.50 muppet. With softer edges than the Michelin Man they’ll need to either fix that up quickly or the Sharks men are going to have a field day. The Fifita brothers will torment them more than a local referee and I’m tipping Andrew to have more TBs than Manly have points. Sea Eagles will have their wings clipped by Bird who scores a hat trick and continues to push for an Origin berth while Trent Barrett gets caught trying to smuggle in the bald headed, hot tempered gnome into the coaches box. There needs to be an investigation alright, what the fuck the Manly board were smoking when they sacked Toovey... cause I’ll buy a 50 bag. Sharks in a canter.

FTS: Bird
Sharks by 20