Home
Honeysett's Round 8 Match Thread
Like Bonnie Rotten’s chin this could get messy. The Broncos did a number on the Knights, 53 to be exact with MILF in Dally M winning form. They’re doing a great job knocking over the nobodies they’ve been up against, the horses are looking more like Pharlap and less like Sarah Jessica Parker which is great for their fans. Speaking of Parker, the old prick needs to hand over the kicking duties he’s absolutely hopeless with the kicking boots at the moment. I would trust Danny Welbeck in front of goal before Corey Parker and that’s saying something. Corey Parker couldn’t kick snow off a rope. I’d be delighted for him to stay as first goal kicker if it meant the Broncos lose a final. One positive thing for me with the Broncos is young Corey Oates, the kid is brilliant, keep scoring those first tries and I’ll keep funding my weekends. Will the real Rabbits please stand up? Or is that what they’re doing? Are they no longer the top 8 side they’ve been in previous years? I’m starting to think so. Can they overcome the Broncos well that's questionable, much like the recent avatars of a few posters around here. Adam Blair? Ah no thanks. The Rabbits are in trouble especially with guys like Kirisome Auva’a in defence with worse reads than that 50 Shades of Grey rubbish. GI needs to pull his finger out, playing ten minutes a game isn’t good enough anymore. He’s the captain of a club that’s struggling and his one knee act is getting stale. Along with GI the under performing Burgii clan need to realise they’re 7 foot tall and you caaaan’t teach that. Seriously, you’re built like fucking wild animals run over people for fucksake, with great penis comes great responsibility and they need to harden up. Broncos will win, as long as they can run around Tony De Las Heras who’s still asleep from a stray Tonie Caroll knee some moons ago.
FTS: Oates (of course)
Broncos by 20
Gee what can be said about the the Doggies number 6 that hasn’t already been said? Josh Reynolds throwing balls at team mates is just another string to the bow of the Grub. Lemme tell you something about Josh Reynolds, Josh Reynolds the type of guy to buy two phones just to flirt with himself, Josh Reynolds the type of guy to step on the back of your thong so you have a blow out. Josh Reynolds the type of guy to keep tomato sauce in the fridge. Just an absolute cunt basically. I like to be balanced here on the write up so I’ll share something nice about Josh Reynolds. After we had won State of Origin in 2014 we all went down and thanked the players, he was the first one to start celebrating with the crowd (game 3) he walked straight up to me and we had a nice bear hug moment. He roughed up my hair (what a cunt) and thanked us for the support but he also made sure that Woodsy and Tamou put on my Blues wigs so any photo you see from Game 3 with either of those players in those wigs you can know it was mine and it was all thanks to Joshy Reynolds. But still, tomato sauce in the fridge? Unforgivable. It annoys me that Dutchie Holland plays on the right hand side, would have been commentary gold if he played on the left and got beaten for pace, I can picture Voss now “Pass the Dutchie on the left hand side” a little weed joke for my fellow herbivores. This game is the shining definition of rocks and diamonds, either team have looked like they could hang with anyone and then they go and lose to the Warriors and Dragons, the fuck?! Can we tip no winner here? I’ve got no idea. Tyrone Roberts reminds me of those big bug eyed goldfish for two reasons. 1) those big bug eyes and 2) he forgets that the last bomb he put up was useless so he tries it again, memory like a goldfish. He was dropping bombs like Hiroshima last week, too bad they were from 40 metres out with as much geniune threat as Magikarp. He’s a good player when he’s not the dominant half, let Ash Taylor take over and just chime in when you need to Tyrone, that’s a nice fish, big fucking eyes, but a nice fucking fish.
FTS: Perrett
Dogs by ?.. I’ll say 7.
The Tigers could feel hard done by the last few weeks, they’ve had second balls snatch a victory away from them and now a penalty try turned down. There shouldn’t have been a matter of could Chris Lawrence get to a bouncing ball. That ball was there for the taking, it was effectively the fattest girl at a party who’s already had too many drinks, she’s seen all her hotter thinner friends hooking up with other guys that her and her cucumber could only dream of and she’s moist as soon as anyone breathes in her direction. All you have to do is touch it at the right moment and you’re scoring. Whether you want to or not. Addo-Carr had a nice debut though on the wing scoring the Tigers first try, I liked the kid until I saw his prison tattoos on his neck. Getting your name tattoo’d on your neck always screamed attention seeking to me, it’s the ink equivalent to a high school girl calling herself ugly. Yes you are now shit down and shut the fuck up. My petulance for shit tattoos aside he’s a star of the future and another one that will leave the Tigers in coming years to go on to bigger and better things, namely not playing for the Tigers. Onto the Raiders, it looks like Rikishi has once again got behind a vehicle and run down Austin because he’s out again this week, he did it for the Rock! Which would have a different meaning in Canberra I’m sure. You could imagine the smirk on my face when I saw Clay 'Priest' was named, so much could be said about Priest jokes but we take the high road here on the match threads, after all those paedophiles are just fucking immature assholes. This has all the makings of a game that could score at a point a minute. Teddy will run riot against the team he signed for and then turned his back on, let’s be honest we’ve all done it. Talked your way into the panties of a delightful lady and said you’d call her back, only to end up back with an ex a few days later. Teddy to fuck em for free on Saturday.
FTS: Teddy
Tigers by 10.
This is the game of the round... again. Seriously fuck NRL stop having teams play each twice inside the first two months! The Cowboys are skull fucking teams at the moment, grabbing the bull by the horns and humping them into submission. William H Bonney would be proud of the work these cowboys are doing week in and week out (I hope everyone has seen Young Guns 1&2, excellent movies from my childhood) They’re looking a lot better than last year and that doesn’t bode well for the rest of the competition. Coote, Morgan and JT are the best threesome since I was double teaming my german backpacking house mates. Both solid 7 outta 10 girls, had a lotta fun. Didn’t mind that they took hours in the shower. This top 4 clash has all the makings of a fantastic encounter and I’m really looking forward to it. The Eels are sharing their love around like that one girl that drinks two vodkas and is suddenly wetter than winter, not one player has really stood out as carrying the team and they’re all performing like dare I say it an actual team. Who would have thought when old cross eyes left to play NFL that the Eels would turn it around in two years time, at least when he comes back and plays for the Roosters it might not hurt as much. Instead of a huge dick up the ass to the Eels fans it’ll be just the tip. At first. I’m looking forward to Foran V JT round 2 and I reckon the result will be the same this time around. I’m tipping an upset of sorts and going the Eels.
FTS: Feldt
Eels by 6.
There’s blood in the water, no the missus isn’t on the reds the Sharks are tearing teams apart. Barba is looking happy playing footy again which is an awesome sight, either his baby mama is licking the tip again or he’s getting a little something on the side. Either way when he’s in form the Sharks are a massive threat. Gallen has been in hospital all week to make sure he’s not suffering any brain damage, after the referee spoke to him and explained a penalty he didn’t give him the face like they just finger bashed his cat - results are still pending. Of all the forwards to improve this year who the fuck thought Matt Prior would be someone you could count on, in previous years you wouldn’t trust him to hold a conversation. I reckon they’re legit chances at winning the premiership this year as long as everyone stays relatively injury free. I don’t ever want Buzz Rothfield to be happy though so I kinda hope they never do just to keep that miserable fuck from smiling. The Chocolate Soldiers had a great win in moist conditions against the Roosters although they looked shaky at times like every fucking action movie these days with that shaky cam bullshit, I want to see what the fuck is going on! Stop moving it around so it looks edgy and cool you fucks and show me someone getting wrecked. Anyway, William Wallace has been fantastic for the Panthers and will most likely share hooking duties with the forgotten man, James Seggy when he comes back in a few weeks such is his form at 9. The Panthers can be world beaters and they can be kitty cats, I’m expecting the kitten variety here with this game feeling like Meowschwitz. Sharks to run up a score.
FTS: Barba
Sharks by 16
The Knights were a few bounces of the ball away from a massive upset at Suncorp against the Broncos, a couple of line ball decisions by the refs really cost them in the end. Such was the closeness of the game I’m surprised there’s not been more made of how the Knights were shafted. Will just have to put this game down to the one that got away. This week they’ve got the Sea Eagles, long gone are the days of Spud Carroll smashing into Paul “Chief” Harragan with more brute force than sharing an elevator with Ray Rice. These days it’s handbags at ten paces especially with the Knights forwards and their lack of aggression. They need to step up and be accountable and start ripping in or this is going to be embarrassing. The Sea Eagles got shown up by the Eels last week by the 12 point margin this guy suggested, about the only thing I got right last week. We’re a year away from the 1997 grand final rematch, a moment Knights fans will cherish forever not just because of the last minute Darren Albert winner but it’s one of the only grand finals that Newcastle will ever win. Eat a dick Cronulla at least we got one. Brayden Willame is back in the side which means Newcastle are a chance based on conspiracy theories alone. Brayden ran out of luck when he’s parents decided to name him Brayden, I mean I reckon Chris Benoit loved his kid more. In any case someone print out the Sea Eagles team song because the hoodoo is over. Here’s hoping this turns WWE and Barrett slaps Brown after the game, sweet sweet revenge. Sea Eagles for the W.
FTS: T Turbo
Sea Eagles by 10
This game will have attack as muffled as the voices from a Josef Fritzl basement. Normally this would be a game of the year contender between two massive powerhouse clubs, this year it’s going to be the special olympics - you’ll go, you’ll applaud but you’re super pissed off that you missed something better. The only saving light from the Roosters this year has been the improving form of Latrell Mitchell, he’s been fantastic at making sure that he looks good, like me and a mirror. You can’t blame the kid though, the Roosters were fucked the moment Pearce dropped that 18th pint. Also need to get something off my chest. Pearce kissed a lesbian apparently, it’s hard to pick them these days and I'll tell you why. I’ve been speaking to a gorgeous alt metal chick that works in the City. Loves gaming, has tattoos, piercings, into metal gigs and shit - I went to ask her out for a drink and then as I'm walking in she kisses her girlfriend goodbye. Her girlfriend. All those break up songs started to make sense. I'm all outta looove I'm so lost without yoouuu. Nearly shaved my head and went all Sinead O’Connor. Anyway, devastated. Ah well, back to the game. Anzac Day always looks a great spectacle with these two teams involved and the crowd should make it something to look forward to, the players however will let us all down and we’ll all wish we were rubbing sand into our eyes rather than watching this shit. Get a few beers ready you’ll need them.
FTS: Mitchell
Roosters by 8
You knew it was coming, have to deliver to my people. Cam Smith has been kissed on the dick by the rugby league gods, he’s the little brother that could get away with whatever the fuck he wanted. He could slap his mother in the mouth and fart in his dads cereal and it would still be someone else’s fault. The balding prick gets his way every. fucking. time. He throws so far forward you’d think he was bulimic. Is it because he’s the Australian captain? Is it because he sends the referees scented home made candles for their birthday? Or is it the five knuckle shuffles personally delivered to Tony Archer every other Tuesday? Who knows. There are those that think he’s a nice guy, Fuuuuck off *superfluous air wank* Storm nearly lost the game by mere centimetres due to the amazing zoom used by the bunker. Tell ya what, I could use that in the bedroom might help with the self esteem a little. The plane from Fiji arrived just in time to deliver yet another exciting winger to the NRL. These guys are born to play the sport and the more of them in the NRL the better. Meanwhile at the Warriors RTS zigged when he should have zagged and is now gone for the year, and so to it the hopes and dreams of our friends across tha dutch. If history is anything to go by the Warriors will stick out the bottom lip because they’re now expected to roll the sleeves up, put in some hard work and actually give a shit. They’re a team that will cry "poor us" in lieu of having a crack. They’re effectively Centrelink dole bludgers, give them a high vis shirt, a pair of white oakleys and a yew pipe and they’d fit right in over here. Like they need another reason to come over here. Australia is pretty much Greater Western New Zealand at this stage anyway. Does anyone else find it strange that we have this game on ANZAC day? We’re celebrating our great nations and our war heroes by having an Australian team V a New Zealand team, smacked of idiocy to me but then again.. this is the NRL.
FTS: Koro
Storm by 4
Like Bonnie Rotten’s chin this could get messy. The Broncos did a number on the Knights, 53 to be exact with MILF in Dally M winning form. They’re doing a great job knocking over the nobodies they’ve been up against, the horses are looking more like Pharlap and less like Sarah Jessica Parker which is great for their fans. Speaking of Parker, the old prick needs to hand over the kicking duties he’s absolutely hopeless with the kicking boots at the moment. I would trust Danny Welbeck in front of goal before Corey Parker and that’s saying something. Corey Parker couldn’t kick snow off a rope. I’d be delighted for him to stay as first goal kicker if it meant the Broncos lose a final. One positive thing for me with the Broncos is young Corey Oates, the kid is brilliant, keep scoring those first tries and I’ll keep funding my weekends. Will the real Rabbits please stand up? Or is that what they’re doing? Are they no longer the top 8 side they’ve been in previous years? I’m starting to think so. Can they overcome the Broncos well that's questionable, much like the recent avatars of a few posters around here. Adam Blair? Ah no thanks. The Rabbits are in trouble especially with guys like Kirisome Auva’a in defence with worse reads than that 50 Shades of Grey rubbish. GI needs to pull his finger out, playing ten minutes a game isn’t good enough anymore. He’s the captain of a club that’s struggling and his one knee act is getting stale. Along with GI the under performing Burgii clan need to realise they’re 7 foot tall and you caaaan’t teach that. Seriously, you’re built like fucking wild animals run over people for fucksake, with great penis comes great responsibility and they need to harden up. Broncos will win, as long as they can run around Tony De Las Heras who’s still asleep from a stray Tonie Caroll knee some moons ago.
FTS: Oates (of course)
Broncos by 20
Gee what can be said about the the Doggies number 6 that hasn’t already been said? Josh Reynolds throwing balls at team mates is just another string to the bow of the Grub. Lemme tell you something about Josh Reynolds, Josh Reynolds the type of guy to buy two phones just to flirt with himself, Josh Reynolds the type of guy to step on the back of your thong so you have a blow out. Josh Reynolds the type of guy to keep tomato sauce in the fridge. Just an absolute cunt basically. I like to be balanced here on the write up so I’ll share something nice about Josh Reynolds. After we had won State of Origin in 2014 we all went down and thanked the players, he was the first one to start celebrating with the crowd (game 3) he walked straight up to me and we had a nice bear hug moment. He roughed up my hair (what a cunt) and thanked us for the support but he also made sure that Woodsy and Tamou put on my Blues wigs so any photo you see from Game 3 with either of those players in those wigs you can know it was mine and it was all thanks to Joshy Reynolds. But still, tomato sauce in the fridge? Unforgivable. It annoys me that Dutchie Holland plays on the right hand side, would have been commentary gold if he played on the left and got beaten for pace, I can picture Voss now “Pass the Dutchie on the left hand side” a little weed joke for my fellow herbivores. This game is the shining definition of rocks and diamonds, either team have looked like they could hang with anyone and then they go and lose to the Warriors and Dragons, the fuck?! Can we tip no winner here? I’ve got no idea. Tyrone Roberts reminds me of those big bug eyed goldfish for two reasons. 1) those big bug eyes and 2) he forgets that the last bomb he put up was useless so he tries it again, memory like a goldfish. He was dropping bombs like Hiroshima last week, too bad they were from 40 metres out with as much geniune threat as Magikarp. He’s a good player when he’s not the dominant half, let Ash Taylor take over and just chime in when you need to Tyrone, that’s a nice fish, big fucking eyes, but a nice fucking fish.
FTS: Perrett
Dogs by ?.. I’ll say 7.
The Tigers could feel hard done by the last few weeks, they’ve had second balls snatch a victory away from them and now a penalty try turned down. There shouldn’t have been a matter of could Chris Lawrence get to a bouncing ball. That ball was there for the taking, it was effectively the fattest girl at a party who’s already had too many drinks, she’s seen all her hotter thinner friends hooking up with other guys that her and her cucumber could only dream of and she’s moist as soon as anyone breathes in her direction. All you have to do is touch it at the right moment and you’re scoring. Whether you want to or not. Addo-Carr had a nice debut though on the wing scoring the Tigers first try, I liked the kid until I saw his prison tattoos on his neck. Getting your name tattoo’d on your neck always screamed attention seeking to me, it’s the ink equivalent to a high school girl calling herself ugly. Yes you are now shit down and shut the fuck up. My petulance for shit tattoos aside he’s a star of the future and another one that will leave the Tigers in coming years to go on to bigger and better things, namely not playing for the Tigers. Onto the Raiders, it looks like Rikishi has once again got behind a vehicle and run down Austin because he’s out again this week, he did it for the Rock! Which would have a different meaning in Canberra I’m sure. You could imagine the smirk on my face when I saw Clay 'Priest' was named, so much could be said about Priest jokes but we take the high road here on the match threads, after all those paedophiles are just fucking immature assholes. This has all the makings of a game that could score at a point a minute. Teddy will run riot against the team he signed for and then turned his back on, let’s be honest we’ve all done it. Talked your way into the panties of a delightful lady and said you’d call her back, only to end up back with an ex a few days later. Teddy to fuck em for free on Saturday.
FTS: Teddy
Tigers by 10.
This is the game of the round... again. Seriously fuck NRL stop having teams play each twice inside the first two months! The Cowboys are skull fucking teams at the moment, grabbing the bull by the horns and humping them into submission. William H Bonney would be proud of the work these cowboys are doing week in and week out (I hope everyone has seen Young Guns 1&2, excellent movies from my childhood) They’re looking a lot better than last year and that doesn’t bode well for the rest of the competition. Coote, Morgan and JT are the best threesome since I was double teaming my german backpacking house mates. Both solid 7 outta 10 girls, had a lotta fun. Didn’t mind that they took hours in the shower. This top 4 clash has all the makings of a fantastic encounter and I’m really looking forward to it. The Eels are sharing their love around like that one girl that drinks two vodkas and is suddenly wetter than winter, not one player has really stood out as carrying the team and they’re all performing like dare I say it an actual team. Who would have thought when old cross eyes left to play NFL that the Eels would turn it around in two years time, at least when he comes back and plays for the Roosters it might not hurt as much. Instead of a huge dick up the ass to the Eels fans it’ll be just the tip. At first. I’m looking forward to Foran V JT round 2 and I reckon the result will be the same this time around. I’m tipping an upset of sorts and going the Eels.
FTS: Feldt
Eels by 6.
There’s blood in the water, no the missus isn’t on the reds the Sharks are tearing teams apart. Barba is looking happy playing footy again which is an awesome sight, either his baby mama is licking the tip again or he’s getting a little something on the side. Either way when he’s in form the Sharks are a massive threat. Gallen has been in hospital all week to make sure he’s not suffering any brain damage, after the referee spoke to him and explained a penalty he didn’t give him the face like they just finger bashed his cat - results are still pending. Of all the forwards to improve this year who the fuck thought Matt Prior would be someone you could count on, in previous years you wouldn’t trust him to hold a conversation. I reckon they’re legit chances at winning the premiership this year as long as everyone stays relatively injury free. I don’t ever want Buzz Rothfield to be happy though so I kinda hope they never do just to keep that miserable fuck from smiling. The Chocolate Soldiers had a great win in moist conditions against the Roosters although they looked shaky at times like every fucking action movie these days with that shaky cam bullshit, I want to see what the fuck is going on! Stop moving it around so it looks edgy and cool you fucks and show me someone getting wrecked. Anyway, William Wallace has been fantastic for the Panthers and will most likely share hooking duties with the forgotten man, James Seggy when he comes back in a few weeks such is his form at 9. The Panthers can be world beaters and they can be kitty cats, I’m expecting the kitten variety here with this game feeling like Meowschwitz. Sharks to run up a score.
FTS: Barba
Sharks by 16
The Knights were a few bounces of the ball away from a massive upset at Suncorp against the Broncos, a couple of line ball decisions by the refs really cost them in the end. Such was the closeness of the game I’m surprised there’s not been more made of how the Knights were shafted. Will just have to put this game down to the one that got away. This week they’ve got the Sea Eagles, long gone are the days of Spud Carroll smashing into Paul “Chief” Harragan with more brute force than sharing an elevator with Ray Rice. These days it’s handbags at ten paces especially with the Knights forwards and their lack of aggression. They need to step up and be accountable and start ripping in or this is going to be embarrassing. The Sea Eagles got shown up by the Eels last week by the 12 point margin this guy suggested, about the only thing I got right last week. We’re a year away from the 1997 grand final rematch, a moment Knights fans will cherish forever not just because of the last minute Darren Albert winner but it’s one of the only grand finals that Newcastle will ever win. Eat a dick Cronulla at least we got one. Brayden Willame is back in the side which means Newcastle are a chance based on conspiracy theories alone. Brayden ran out of luck when he’s parents decided to name him Brayden, I mean I reckon Chris Benoit loved his kid more. In any case someone print out the Sea Eagles team song because the hoodoo is over. Here’s hoping this turns WWE and Barrett slaps Brown after the game, sweet sweet revenge. Sea Eagles for the W.
FTS: T Turbo
Sea Eagles by 10
This game will have attack as muffled as the voices from a Josef Fritzl basement. Normally this would be a game of the year contender between two massive powerhouse clubs, this year it’s going to be the special olympics - you’ll go, you’ll applaud but you’re super pissed off that you missed something better. The only saving light from the Roosters this year has been the improving form of Latrell Mitchell, he’s been fantastic at making sure that he looks good, like me and a mirror. You can’t blame the kid though, the Roosters were fucked the moment Pearce dropped that 18th pint. Also need to get something off my chest. Pearce kissed a lesbian apparently, it’s hard to pick them these days and I'll tell you why. I’ve been speaking to a gorgeous alt metal chick that works in the City. Loves gaming, has tattoos, piercings, into metal gigs and shit - I went to ask her out for a drink and then as I'm walking in she kisses her girlfriend goodbye. Her girlfriend. All those break up songs started to make sense. I'm all outta looove I'm so lost without yoouuu. Nearly shaved my head and went all Sinead O’Connor. Anyway, devastated. Ah well, back to the game. Anzac Day always looks a great spectacle with these two teams involved and the crowd should make it something to look forward to, the players however will let us all down and we’ll all wish we were rubbing sand into our eyes rather than watching this shit. Get a few beers ready you’ll need them.
FTS: Mitchell
Roosters by 8
You knew it was coming, have to deliver to my people. Cam Smith has been kissed on the dick by the rugby league gods, he’s the little brother that could get away with whatever the fuck he wanted. He could slap his mother in the mouth and fart in his dads cereal and it would still be someone else’s fault. The balding prick gets his way every. fucking. time. He throws so far forward you’d think he was bulimic. Is it because he’s the Australian captain? Is it because he sends the referees scented home made candles for their birthday? Or is it the five knuckle shuffles personally delivered to Tony Archer every other Tuesday? Who knows. There are those that think he’s a nice guy, Fuuuuck off *superfluous air wank* Storm nearly lost the game by mere centimetres due to the amazing zoom used by the bunker. Tell ya what, I could use that in the bedroom might help with the self esteem a little. The plane from Fiji arrived just in time to deliver yet another exciting winger to the NRL. These guys are born to play the sport and the more of them in the NRL the better. Meanwhile at the Warriors RTS zigged when he should have zagged and is now gone for the year, and so to it the hopes and dreams of our friends across tha dutch. If history is anything to go by the Warriors will stick out the bottom lip because they’re now expected to roll the sleeves up, put in some hard work and actually give a shit. They’re a team that will cry "poor us" in lieu of having a crack. They’re effectively Centrelink dole bludgers, give them a high vis shirt, a pair of white oakleys and a yew pipe and they’d fit right in over here. Like they need another reason to come over here. Australia is pretty much Greater Western New Zealand at this stage anyway. Does anyone else find it strange that we have this game on ANZAC day? We’re celebrating our great nations and our war heroes by having an Australian team V a New Zealand team, smacked of idiocy to me but then again.. this is the NRL.
FTS: Koro
Storm by 4
. Walks away from that as if he was hard done by copping a penalty, should have got 10 minimum.
